Disintegration

ARGH. I don't know what to do.
I'm not ok and I'm scared to sleep.

I really shouldn't post this but it makes me feel like I'm doing something

Where Troubles Melt Like Lemon Drops

away above the chimney tops

I've cut off facebook in an effort to minimise distractions.
Trying to focus, keep my eye on the prize.
Don't get lazy, don't slack off. It's getting late. Time to start caring.

Somewhere over the rainbow. I will try to be better.

Plutchik

Check it out. Emotional wheel.
That's all I got.

xin.

ps.  Anything Goes was AMAZING. Kudos to all involved.
Also go Georgia and Gus for making me laugh so hard!

I Don't Want What You Want

Hi guys. Been awhile hey?

Today was nice. Started off with a glowing sunrise and rainbows. Picturesque really and my mood was amped up by it. Post school my friend Shelley came over and we had some fun :). But I've been feeling uneasy. A mixture of boredom, confusion and wanting. I don't really know. I need something new. Not really an adventure. Something comfortable. Told you I meant confused.

Whatever. The Strokes are playing in Melbourne tonight! Wish I could have gone! Brill band. Energetic!

Perhaps that's it. I need more energy. Maybe I should have bought some Mother.

xin

I Can See You Poor Boy Sitting Down All Dolled Up No Where To Go

It's Regency Charmander! Who doesn't love things by Mr Darcy. Speaking of old school romanticism. What happened to it? No, I'm not complaining about how 'there's no more nice guys' or that there aren't 'gentlemen left in the world'. More just wondering what happened?

Some say chivalry is dead. That it's now seen as sexist. Ok, firstly WRONG. Guys are still allowed to be gentlemen. Sure some girls don't like it but the many girls still do want a knight in shining armor. Ok not quite. But you don't have to be a testosterone fueled idiot to get girls. I think most girls want someone who is strong but does have a soft side that's not well known about. But hey that's just my opinion. A lot of this stuff works with out biological evolution as well. We select for strong males but we also want them to have emotions so that they can protect the kids and take care of them.

Sometime I hate how evolution works. Especially human sexual selection because it means the pretty people have the best genetics and there's nothing we can do about them being more attractive. Sure we can put on lots of make up or whatever but it's kinda just hiding our genetic makeup. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like all the pretty clothes and make up is just a cover up.

Anyway this long post hopefully makes up for the fact the last time I posted was a week ago. Everyone seems pretty down at the moment. The cold is sucking my energy.

xin

That Nothing in the World Can Find You?

Don't worry Cammybear I don't intend to kill you and take your skin anytime soon. Who would I watch pokemon with then? :P

Well the picture and quote don't really relate but I like the quote and wanted to share. Coz I'm sharing and caring. Yup that's me. Anyway in english we've been reading A Streetcar Named Desire; which is nice. And we've been asking: what is desire and how is it different from wanting? I'm currently thinking desire is something you want emotionally, as opposed to cravings or whatever. What you desire is something that if you think you get it you'll be fulfilled, satisfied but in reality true desire is insatiable. Feel free to disagree entirely with me.

Short post because sister is angry small child.

<3 xin

.

Trying to be Two Hundred Thousand Years Younger

So I could excuse myself from humankind.

Back at school again. 49 days of it left. I'm doing my homework now. Should have started awhile ago, as in years, but better late than never right?

So yeah, woke up way to early for the soccer to see Spain win. Congrats to them. Now I want to learn Spanish more than ever. Been slightly feverish which is always worrisome. But I'm fine now. Yesterday I spent painting walls for the rents.

Anyway. I've always liked maps and geography. Was good at it too! But that's back in the day. I don't know why I always found it interesting to learn about countries and places. Maybe to soothe the traveler in me. Or just to understand how humans have touched the whole Earth. Or I was just a weird kid who wanted to know that the highest mountain in Western Europe was Mont Blanc.

Point is I FEEL LIKE EXPLORING.

xin

Laugh

By Emerson's definition have I already succeeded? It's nice to think so.

Anyway the end of the holidays is drawing near. Oh la rentree! Ce n'est pas formidable.

That probably has horrible grammar but I don't claim to be good at french. I have not been productive at all and this is slightly concerning to me. I think my laziness shall be my downfall. Or my fear and subsequent refusal to grow up.

I wanted to write about the LXD; Legion of Extraordinary Dancers. BUT I can't view their awesomeness in Australia which is severely disappointing.

Due to my holidays hermitage I have been playing Scrabble. Which I am hoping counts as english homework with its' vocabulary building benefits. Both time that I played at night, 11.30ish with my family I NEARLY could spell dinosaur. Maybe spirits are sending me messages but I WANT MY 50POINT BONUS.

On a less anger inspiring subject I am currently trying to devise a playlist to put on a mixtape (mixCD). Ah the good old mixtape. Love and music in one. Thank you Sally for offering a swap of such amazement.

This has taken an hour to write. That is way too long. Thus I end things here and now.

xin

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad.

 

 

As my friend recently said, we are all just people. I'm in one of those moods where I feel flat. Maybe it's all those 3D movies coming out that make me feel 2D. But really we aren't so special. I suppose that's what love is for. Making people feel special.

Anyway I wanted to say: I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP. I've seen what it does to people and I much rather stay where I am. But sooner or later it happens. Here you are remembering your good old year 7 days when BAM you're worrying about how to get into a club with fake ID. I've got hopefully half a century of being over 18 and only two more years of being under. I feel no rush. That's not so bad. I remember back in primary school. We were only 11 and we were discussing who wasn't a virgin. FOR GOD'S SAKE.

I wish little kids weren't so eager to be adults.

I suppose it's a very, very mad world.

xin

ps. In other news Argentina vs Germany has just kicked off. Argentina ftw. It's gonna be a good game.

Tonight's gonna be a good night.

SO GUESS WHAT? I had my yr 12 formal last night.
Was absolutely brilliant. :D
As you can tell I'm in a good mood now!

First I'd like to add a disclaimer: I do NOT like 'I gotta feeling' it's a terrible song. Wayyyy too repetitive, though I'm unfortunately a bogan in disguise so I admit the beat's catchy.

Anyway last night was amazing. Everyone looked beautiful! I danced in 12cm heels. Which hurts like hell.
But hey, I'm tall AND I can do the macarena. That makes me happy, screw the pain.
Though ONE of my friends did get her foot pretty banged up. There was blood.
But the songs were fun. Everyone (eventually) danced. :D

Post formal was good too. Didn't go to the official afterparty as our ID plans went awry.
Instead we went to my lovly friends house and watched trippy late 80's/early 90's children programs.
Mulligrubs. Seriously frightening stuff. Classic songs about scarecrows though.

Beautiful night with beautiful people. My only regret is that I didn't take photos with so many people.
<3 xin

NAnanaNAna

DARIA

Bit of a filler really but Daria is amazing. Hope your holidays are going well people.
My holiday is pretty down. Mainly because of the workload I'm expected to do and how it clashes with my wanting to go out. IT'S A HOLIDAY. But no slacking allowed.

~There ain't no rest for the wicked.
Money don't grow on trees.
I got bills to pay and mouths to feed.
Ain't nothing in this world for free.~

So really all I've done so far is read some books. Haven't gone to my library in ages so went on Saturday and so far have read two books. Which is really good because I love reading and haven't done enough recently. Which links to an amusing story but slightly inappropriate.
I also went shopping and got some shoes for formal. They make me tall! No mean feat there.
Got yelled at multiple times by mother. I think pretty much every conversation this weekend and today. Once for an hr about saying the incorrect time while she was being serious.
But seriously. Life is boring at the moment. Too much time at home. Not too good for me.

Hopefully I don't go completely insane.

I shall post-formal blog soon.
xin

Pulses through my veins

SLACKERBITCH
placebo. yayeah.

I'm always blah blah blahing about love and sunshine. Well this time aunty owy is gonna talk to y'all about dem bad things. Hate and such.

'I hate you' is nearly as overused as 'I love you' (or ILY but that's just annoying). If you don't mean it don't bother.

By overusing such words we cheapen them and make them cliche. Hate and love are stronger than that. Especially when used in reference to people. It means that they've made an impact on your world. If you love someone, things that remind you of them make you smile. If you hate someone, things that remind you of them make you feel repulsed.

Sometimes I wish I had enemies. To paraphrase Eminem, it means I stood up for something. By now I really should know what to stand up for. Sometimes I feel like Sir Thomas More, walking the fine line between all sides, trying to make everyone happy. We expend so much energy trying to be normal.

xin
ps. Today was nice. Don't worry, I don't hate you.

WHY DOES NOTHING PLEASE YOU?

The first 12seconds made me laugh so hard.
I love Lucy for introducing me to this.

But seriously guys. Twilight is the most over rated series I have ever read.
Admittedly I read the first book 5yrs ago so possibly I was young and failed to see its' wonders.....
That must be it. How else could I mistake twilight for anything but a piece of great literature.
It's not like the main characters are shallow and soulless.
*is edward aka intense looks. intense stares. intenseness.
*is bella. swoon. cry. swoon. angst. frolicks. is loved by all.
I could rant further but I'm sure a billion people have already.

I'm less emotionally blogging so should I get a tumblr instead?

Coming Up Only To Hold You Under

I am liking this song indeed. Found it on my tumblr rummaging.

I recently read The Little Prince, shockingly for the first time. At least as far as anyone can remember; either way it felt like the first time. IT IS BEAUTIFUL. Really, it's so simple and truthful. It's really a brilliant.

Elmo and the rainbow

Yeah the Socceroos got thrashed. FOUR-nil. Disappointed doesn’t cover it.  So, here are some happy pictures with rainbows and Rainbow fish and Elmo and Harry Shum Jr. Who doesn’t love Elmo right?

xin

ps. Argh weirdass picture formatting.

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So it begins. Countdown.

Can you think of a reason why you so love it downtown?

And......Welcome back!

Hi guys. It's good to be back. I’m feeling better and all that jazz. Life is back to happening. There’s fun beginning everywhere. THE WORLD CUP! YEAH! Might actually wake up at 4.30 for countries other than Australia. :O It is going to be brilliant. I love soccer crazies. I love how passionate people are about the game. Anyway, as I'm a girly one imma gonna wake up 4.30 and stuff to watch the soccer and I'd thought
I'd tell you. Especially seeing as it starts tonight!

So where have I hidden this past month? I went to a dark place folks. I realised how much work I should have done and I crammed like hell. Which reminds me. Though I'm back I can't be awesome and win at VCE. I really wish I was capable of that but I'm can't. So half awesome will have to do. 

Back to fun topics. I've discovered too much about what can be done with whipped cream. Courtesy of Michael mainly. Thanks mateeee. Oh and my plan for things, the stuff  immediately in my head, is:

Learn the thriller dance. Lucy as my teacher.

Watch 500 days of summer.

Go to Sally's.

Buy a dress for formal.

Buy presents.

Eat cheesecake.

Bye for now. Bear with me 'til my writing skills get back up.

They're slowly crawling out of the cave that is my head.

xin

Notes from Underground

I’m going underground my dears. It’s been nice blogging to you all. But with each post I feel like I’m getting closer to the old days of Myspace blogs. just please no.


So to prevent that horrifying future from happening Crossover Possibilities shall be stopped indefinitely. As great as it has been posting stuff; it feels weird knowing people who know me read this. The point of blogging for me is purely selfish; I just want to organise the chaos in my head. It’s not for you guys to worry. That and I like posting beautiful things and giving love. I started out wanting to kind of half live my other possibilities but, at the moment at least, I’m cool with being just me. Seeing as lately my posts have either been angsty or cutesy I figure you can all probably do without it.

Because really the only people who read this are you. My dear friends. So if you really want to know how happy, angry or restless I feel you can just ask.

Well. This is it. *stands awkwardly and shuffles feet.* I love you but it’s not you, it’s me. I hope you can move on from this blog onto the blogs of various friends linked in this post. I’m sorry but I’m not apologising.

I’ll see you around.

Puppy Love

LOOK AT MY PUPPY

I got a dog!!! He's a medium haired border collie and he's so soft! Named him Zuzu and he's gorgeous. He loves us so much and is always licking us. Non-stop licking really. Hurrah, puppy love.
 
On another note I love Sally. I really should have posted this ages ago but better late than never.

This made my night. You're absolutely amazing Sally! I'm obviously not the only one that thinks so; there's an appreciation society out there. But yes. I love talking to you. You're understanding and you can interpret my nonsense into something that meaningful. *showers in love*
 
I hope that I may soon visit you and we may dress up in your clothes and watch wonderful movies that I've never seen before.
 
xin

I Can't Remember Anything Without You

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. A wonderful movie about love, memory and what it means to forget. I don't think I ever want to forget anything. Experience makes us who we are; memories are the reminders of those experiences good or bad. They are our past. Sometimes it seems easier to forget. There would be no need to grieve or regret. But if it is worth grieving over it is worth remembering because it's important it's a part of you and you've gotta learn to accept it. 

Yeah life lessons from me. Good idea.

Oh well this blog isn't for you people. It's for me really. It's how I sort the stuff that's running through my head. I never liked diaries. Talking to people is weird. Ewwww human contact. Sure I love people and I do like conversing with them but when it comes to my thoughts it's better to sort them out myself. The blog just gives me a reason to stop and think.

Anyway at this point in time I'd like to give love to some friends. As Georgia pointed out I haven't given all my friends love. Really I've just given love to Lucy, Tom and Cameron. Poor effort there.

So love to:

Georgia, who is a barrier-free buddy. There's lots of love for you! More than you realise I think. 

Sally, who is admirable inspiration. You're insightful and artisitic! You make me feel like I understand things.

Maja, who is crazily cool. I swear I got my insanity from you! I hope you're enjoying Groovin the Moo, I envy you.

Ben, who is a dashing heartbreaker. You're so beautiful! Your enthusiasm makes me happy.

Michael, who is an engaging guy. Fun and dizzymaking! Discussing stuff with you; politics to nice uniforms is brill.

Enough love for now.

xin

wings and realness

Cast Vicariously as Both Victim and Villain

V for Vendetta anyone? Went to Tom's house today and watched it with him,Cam and Lucy. Was nice though I probably gave Cam some disease and if he dies I'm sorry and please don't blame me. I'm a sick zombie girl. Really, in a way. I'm playing Humans Vs. Zombies and I've been caught and zombified. Makes more sense if you're in Melbourne.

Anyway I love Cassie from Skins. She reminds me of when I was a young 17 year old.
Uh, one year from now. I do like pretending to be old and wise.
Anyway, Cassie makes sense, because I really do love everyone even if i don't like them. Probably not good that the manic, pixie, depressed one makes sense. Apparently Cassie is an example of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, a sterotypical character in film and tv. They're meant to be shallow personality wise because apparently they have no goal in life except to make some guy happy; but I love her. She's tragic, alone and beautiful. Possibly the panadol talking in all of this I'll admit.

I am feeling and sounding like a zombie. Attractive is definitely the word I'd use to describe it.

All this is not helping out with year 12.

I'm half sick, half dreaming.

I'm failing to care enough.

xin
I'm also thinking maybe I need to make a new anonymous blog. It's weird having people know you.

And There's No Where Else in the World I'd Rather Be

It's a good day to listen to the cure.

xin
pics from: 1 2

Sinusoidal

Yeah you physics nerds should know what that means.


It’s also what I call it is my rule of sine (xin) where everything good is followed by something bad and vice versa. For example on Monday I had a brilliant day. Refer to ‘eeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3’. Then as soon as I got home my mother was in a grumpy mood and she yelled and then my father yelled and then I yelled. It was the most yelling I’ve done all year. So good is counteracted with bad. Always. It’s not always straightaway but it happens.

It makes sense to the science side of my mind as well. Everything has its’ balance. In biology things always pair up. Chemistry uses balanced equations. Physics states that for every reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Anyway the provocation of this was that recently I’ve been feeling weird. Happy because I have a boy. Sad, with a growing sense of despair, because I have so much work. (Which blogging isn’t really helping with.) Frustrated because my parents are annoying. Confused because I should just be happy. Crazy because this is ridiculous. Just mood swinging in a sinusoidal fashion. It won’t last, the counterbalance will happen. I just have to ride this wave out.

xin
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Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

link

I was at my bus stop today and everything was so pretty. It was a sunset, there was a rainbow and there were small children playing in the park. Everything was all so pretty. Like seriously. A RAINBOW. Plus, the kids in the park were skipping in height order and just awwww cute.

I am very very very happy. I HAS A BOY. He's tasty and wonderful. Plus he's comfy to sit on :)♥♥♥
Oh wow! Overload of wonderfulness. If anyone is getting sick with all the YAYYY CUPCAKE, too bad for you and stop reading my blog.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
So I hears I'm all squealy and eeeeee like and I has bad writing skills.

It's been such a good day. Really, since this morning I've been all bouncy and full of energy. On the train I couldn't sit down. I probably looked insane but that's nothing new. Anyway the whole going outness happened pretty smoothly (good work cupcake ) and fairly unawkwardly. Despite SOME PEOPLE constantly giggling at us. Thank you my lovely friends. Oh so much.

The Rhombus has evolved! :O Now we're all paired up and it's all worked out!
Penguin/lulubear is my bfflwp. (best friends for life with privleges). Tank engine is my boy bestie. Bear is my sexy beast ;)

So much love right now,
Xin

ICH BIN NICHT EIN ROBOTER

I AM HAPPY. LIKE SUPER MEGA APE HORNY HAPPY. Yeah, theres a german word for awesome i think and it's literally super ape horny or something like that (superaffengeil) . Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

I am manic grinning like crazy and I feel like a stupid squealy schoolgirl (:O alliteration!)

Basically last night was brilliant. I had a lovely dinner (Grill'd) where me and my friend mused over many a thing. Then I saw Die Roten Punkte with some awesome people <3.
It's actually the first time I've been in the city at night and only with friends :O
I love the city at night! It's so pretty and cold and exciting. Also I'm happiest at night and stuff.
DIE ROTEN PUNKTE ARE BRILL.  They had an inflatable dinosaur. :D
They sang Ich Bin Nicht Ein Roboter (I am a Lion).

Therefore my life goal is now to become a roadie ninjaaaa.

Oh and a little shout out to my smooottthhh friend. Good work there, I'm proud of you. Technique could still be improved though :D but we're getting there. Which is actually the main reason I've been grinning like a madwoman and I think I'm being silly but I can't help it and ahhhhh.

Oh dear. Calm down. Really.

Have a pic:

Astrid and Otto! <3 They are gonna be our inspiration for battle of the bands. Otto is brill. HE HAS AN ELECTRIC UKULELE. or maybe it's a tiny guitar. oh well. LOVES ANYWAY.

<3 xin

1984

I keep having conversations about this book. George Orwell is a genius and I love the world of 1984. It’s actually quite scary how inescapable and confined it is. Within 1984, everything is watched, everyone is monitored, everything aspect of your life has been tampered with. There is no freedom, no safety and no privacy. In 1984 you’re never truly alone, yet always isolated. The party controls all information and therefore controls all. But they don’t stop there; they begin to try to alter the nature of humanity. One of the most frightening devices to employ is the concept of Newspeak. Newspeak demonstrates how thoughts can be controlled by controlling language. How by restricting language they can restrict ideas, or at least any expression of them. How would you describe a feeling or idea if there were no words to?

Realistically 1984 will never occur in real life. Not to that extent at least. To reach such a stage would be the end of humanity. We would become some sort of monstrous machine.

and that's enough for now.
This is really just something to keep y'all entertained coz my mind is dead and I'm sick.
<3 xin

Does it Have to Be So Cold in Ireland?

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When I say Ireland I mean Melbourne. Obviously.
My moods tend to be related to the weather. Not a good thing seeing as Melbourne is bipolar. I spent the first four sessions today grinning like an idiot. My face was seriously hurting from smiling so much. I blame SOMEONE. Then the clouds moved in and I was just tired. Though, thinking about it, this is also possibly because of one and a half sessions of methods.

It seems I’m in quite a blog writing mood this week. Second post in two days! I might actually bore people to death. Yayeah. School’s back and I suppose blogging is an effective procrastination tool. (Hmmm effective procrastination?) So check it out; I told you there were apple logo cookies. Though, I have a pc. Stop there, I am NOT going into a debate about mac vs pc. Don’t you dare. Oh and I’d like to thank my cousin for convincing my mother that I need more internet time for year 12. My laptop is still internet free but I can use the main computer.


I’d also like to give thanks to Sally for providing tasty choc chip pancakes this morning, they gave me the motivation to wake up at 6.30 instead of 9 and get to school on time. That is truly amazing.

Oh to leave on a positive. SOMEONE needs to give me some rollerblades. And I WANT my rollerblades.

Six Impossible Things

Yeah I know I was meant to do work yesterday. But it's still the holidays! Laziness will kill me.
I saw Alice in Wonderland, the Tim Burton one. Unfortunately I didn't see it in 3D so half the time I was thinking 'this would look cooler in 3D'. The best character was the cheshire cat. Look at that happy face! Tim Burton's magic wasn't that great in this, I really felt like slapping Anne Hathway's White Queen character with the hand movements. But it was pretty enough.

I was also going to make a post full of Alice in wonderland pictures. But I've been beaten to it many times.
Here and here.

Oh and for the people that wanted Lego Tower pictures. Well you see, I had a 3yr old cousin over and well. The tower only lasted about 2 minutes.

Anyway, time to stress about work. ARGH PHYSICS. How is that the total resistance?!
This is a good way of spending my last day of holidays. I'm not looking forward to school, big surprise. The only thing good is seeing my friends just about daily with their beautiful smiling faces :).

Apparently university is harder than yr 12. My cousin told me that he worked too hard in yr 12 for his 98 ENTER and he could have just taken it easy. I'm not going to follow his advice; I'm really bad enough as it is. Plus I've already sold my soul to the spesh god so I might as well make the most of it.

Wish me luck for term 2!

p.s. I caught a butterfly in my hands. It was suprisingly warm sitting there. It also may have been a moth which is slightly disappointing. It's funny how it being a moth can change your feelings. Butterflies have such positive connotations where as moths just eat your clothes and are fuzzy when squashed.

p.p.s. Thank you to Thomas who has made a wonderful header and background for this blog. What a skilled kid. :D

Off Balanced

I’m so sore and tired right now. Yesterday I went to my friend Lucy’s birthday in a park. It was wonderful running around. Yes I know I’m 16 but it was fun ok? Running around like I’m 9 without a care in the world is fun. Even the pain feels nice in a way; reminds me of when I did soccer and the like. I love playgrounds! Why the hell would I want to grow up? Yeah, take that sister, miss ‘you guys are so lame’. She’s younger than me and she thinks she’s so cool.
Despite the massive amounts of awesome I felt a little off balance the whole day. Still do. It’s probably whoremones and lack of sleep but it stopped me from smiling excessively. Of course this off balance thing is what I blame my multiple un-co failures on playground equipment on. I swear I’m normally I’m great at being a little kid. (Insert joke about me being the kid sized, hahaha.)

Anyway, though I wasn’t smiling excessively it was still great. We had spinny, dizzy making rides on the roundabout, (which is where I fell off gracefully); there was good cake, with MEOW written on it in SMARTIES; I got to make a good call about candle replacements; I got lots of squeezehugs; I got to ride on my good friend’s manly shoulders; we climbed multiple playground equipments and we got to wear my fake-bowler hat with a flower on it. Obviously a great day.

I know I said at the start of this blog that I’d write well and not just about feelings and bleh. I’m getting around to that. Sometime I will be writing stuff on politics or philosophy or books. Oh dear. I also have a weekend of doing all my holiday homework ahead of me.

Until then though, you’re stuck with this stuff and I’m going to curl up in a ball and sleep.

p.s. I wish you could be in my hall right now. We have a lego tower that goes from the floor to the ceiling.

That's more than two metres. It is amazing. This one was because of my brother. I am proud