Diamonds are forever

A lot of crazy stuff has happened recently. My emotions are really mixed (big surprise) and I’m not sure what to do. Yes I am sorry guys, another personal blahblah angst blahblah whoremones post. When I started this blog I really wanted it to about stuff that I like but didn’t chose to do for VCE reasons. Pathetic really but eh.
Anyway, back to diamonds. What has happened is that my friends and I have created a love diamond between us. I like this guy who likes this girl who likes this other guy who likes me. :O

We’re all good friends which is fantastic because in any other group of people this would get really ugly. It’s not ugly now. It’s more a colossal arghgasm. Yes I coined that. To continue on basically everyone knows who likes who. Ok time for a diagram.

I’m the pigeon. Don’t ask. Lines represent love vectors (ohhh math in real life). The lulu bear and I are married. So we’re besties. Now what’s happening is tank engine is confused and I am confused so love lines are just going everywhere. It’s now up to tank engine to choose lulu bear or myself.


The thing is I’d like to be loved but like I actually spent a whole term trying to get lulu bear and tank engine together. Oh the irony. Plus I feel like a bitch. Apparently no one really minds which way it goes. I don’t really either I guess. One way I get a boy friend. The other I get to see my bestie become very happy and I probably have a happier conscience.

I’m not sure if this actually makes sense to anyone. I’m hoping I don’t sound mad.

I’m optimistic at the moment because...I just went for a nice long swim and walk. It cleared my head.

It’s been two days since everyone became honest with each other about the diamond. In that time there was a lot of arghgasms, msn and lack of sleep. Last night I told the guy I originally liked that I was ok that he didn’t like me. It’s no one’s fault really.

What I’ve realised is that I have the best friends in the world. They’re not perfect. Things can get complicated. But c’est la vie.

We move on.

Everything is beautiful

link to suzywire

WHAT'S YOUR COMPLEX?

So I'm talking to a friend.
Turns out we have similar complexes.
He's probably got it worse though. His parents are way more violent.
Gotta love parents. Seriously. If you can find someone whose parents didn't screw them up?
Thought so.

So now I'm playing counsellor.
Who would have thought that possible.
Like I love people and I'd like to think I have a good understanding of how people feel.
But I hate counselling. It makes me sad. Get's you to reflect.
That's the last thing I want.

As it is I'm on a knifes edge. I don't want to look down and fall.

Bye for now.
I assume I'll explain my opinion on complexes later.
For now, goodbye.

Coin Operated Boy

Ok, I'm feeling confused. I can't tell what I'm feeling. Whether it's worth it. Whether it's possible. Whether I really want what I'm chasing. Whether I'm feeling silly because of whoremones. Whether I should really care. Commitment phobia, me? Never.

Fun doesn't equal love. Not ever.
Above all, I think it's easier to get a coin operated boy.

Shoutout to little alex.

Yeah i know you're not little. You're actually a tank. And you'll probably never read this but your awesomeness must be proclaimed.
You are wonderful and i wish you didn't drop out of school. We could have had more funtimes. Oh well the small doses of you will have to suffice. Hope to see you and your puppy soon!

Unsure

This is a dodgy mobile phone posting. My rents decided to let me have net on my phone. Weird but that's not why i'm posting.
recently i've been feeling out of it. Yesterday i reconnected with a lost friend and was really happy. Today i'm just unsure. I want to feel something.
ha. Again with the wanting. I should just do something. See i'm confused. Hopefully it's just pms. Though really that's not a reason for anything.

Screw you reality

I'm still banned from the net.

But not to worry, I am a shifty ninja.

Basically in english we have to write about reality.

Which is a nice topic methinks but I really don't like SAC weeks.

So for now, while I stress, have a thought.

So currently I'm procratinating from preparing for my SACs.

Chemistry and English tomorrow. Then more English. Then Spesh. Then Physics. Then more Physics.

Greatttttt.

Due to this I miss out on my friends 18th. IT'S A 50'S DRESSUP!!!

On the otherhand for my friend Daniel's birthday I shall be giving him a bitch.

Colourful one too!

Anyway, seeing as I probably don't make sense at the moment.

Until next time amigos!

xin

Banned

So I've actually been banned from the internet.
Completely cut off!

Yes I know I'm on now, but thats coz the rents are all out and working.

So slight freedon! YAY.

Anyway I was going to make this an angsty post about how restrcited things are blah blah blah.
But as it turns out I'm actually in a good mood which is super freaky.
Must have been the tasty jasmine tea I had this morning.

As it turns out I'm only annoyed and not angry about my lack of internet. Like how I can't communicate with my friends until Tuesday. (Enjoy Labour Day btw!)
Which is a real bummer because there is currently so much happening and so much I wand to do. Plans are being made! I do love being motivated.

Anyway, hopefully I get unbanned soon (unlikely, this will probs last weeks) or my rents get out of the house... until then

miss.owy

HAILSTORM!

Hailstorm today was BLOODY AWESOME.

Seriously I was out in Preston on what seemed like a nice day.
My family and I went to eat a tasty asian lunch.
When we came out it was all dark and drizzling.
So we're kinda jogging to our car when dad goes get under cover! It's gonna start pouring.
We JUST get under the shelter of Cash Converters when it buckets down MARBLE sized hail.
Which sting slightly when the fall on your legs but still. AWESOME.

Anyway after that we nearly ran over a crazy old man and flooded our car a bit.
fast forward........

We got home. Had some tea with peaceful rain falling on the veranda then my siblings and I had a water/mud fight :D

Yes I know I'm 16 but I don't give a damn. It was fun and gross.

Basically a great day.

miss.owy

ps http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/storm-brings-chaos-to-melbourne-20100306-ppm4.html

So Much More

I want nothing of intimacy, but with everyone, I feel these connections, I want to love them, I want everything they have. But how can that work? How can you love someone so much but always from a far? Everything about me is a contradiction, really. - milktrees (tumblr)

I want SO MUCH MORE.
I want greatness.
I want heroes.
I want justice.
I want true love.
I want so much more. I want it all. I want to live a life to be proud of.

How can I want so much? You can only live one life at a time.
I wish we could live our other possibilities.

We could be SO MUCH MORE.

I love everyone. I see no evil. I only see wrong turns.
I only worry that one day there will be no love left.