Cast Vicariously as Both Victim and Villain

V for Vendetta anyone? Went to Tom's house today and watched it with him,Cam and Lucy. Was nice though I probably gave Cam some disease and if he dies I'm sorry and please don't blame me. I'm a sick zombie girl. Really, in a way. I'm playing Humans Vs. Zombies and I've been caught and zombified. Makes more sense if you're in Melbourne.

Anyway I love Cassie from Skins. She reminds me of when I was a young 17 year old.
Uh, one year from now. I do like pretending to be old and wise.
Anyway, Cassie makes sense, because I really do love everyone even if i don't like them. Probably not good that the manic, pixie, depressed one makes sense. Apparently Cassie is an example of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, a sterotypical character in film and tv. They're meant to be shallow personality wise because apparently they have no goal in life except to make some guy happy; but I love her. She's tragic, alone and beautiful. Possibly the panadol talking in all of this I'll admit.

I am feeling and sounding like a zombie. Attractive is definitely the word I'd use to describe it.

All this is not helping out with year 12.

I'm half sick, half dreaming.

I'm failing to care enough.

xin
I'm also thinking maybe I need to make a new anonymous blog. It's weird having people know you.

Sinusoidal

Yeah you physics nerds should know what that means.


It’s also what I call it is my rule of sine (xin) where everything good is followed by something bad and vice versa. For example on Monday I had a brilliant day. Refer to ‘eeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3’. Then as soon as I got home my mother was in a grumpy mood and she yelled and then my father yelled and then I yelled. It was the most yelling I’ve done all year. So good is counteracted with bad. Always. It’s not always straightaway but it happens.

It makes sense to the science side of my mind as well. Everything has its’ balance. In biology things always pair up. Chemistry uses balanced equations. Physics states that for every reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Anyway the provocation of this was that recently I’ve been feeling weird. Happy because I have a boy. Sad, with a growing sense of despair, because I have so much work. (Which blogging isn’t really helping with.) Frustrated because my parents are annoying. Confused because I should just be happy. Crazy because this is ridiculous. Just mood swinging in a sinusoidal fashion. It won’t last, the counterbalance will happen. I just have to ride this wave out.

xin
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WHAT'S YOUR COMPLEX?

So I'm talking to a friend.
Turns out we have similar complexes.
He's probably got it worse though. His parents are way more violent.
Gotta love parents. Seriously. If you can find someone whose parents didn't screw them up?
Thought so.

So now I'm playing counsellor.
Who would have thought that possible.
Like I love people and I'd like to think I have a good understanding of how people feel.
But I hate counselling. It makes me sad. Get's you to reflect.
That's the last thing I want.

As it is I'm on a knifes edge. I don't want to look down and fall.

Bye for now.
I assume I'll explain my opinion on complexes later.
For now, goodbye.

Unsure

This is a dodgy mobile phone posting. My rents decided to let me have net on my phone. Weird but that's not why i'm posting.
recently i've been feeling out of it. Yesterday i reconnected with a lost friend and was really happy. Today i'm just unsure. I want to feel something.
ha. Again with the wanting. I should just do something. See i'm confused. Hopefully it's just pms. Though really that's not a reason for anything.

Drowning

Yes I know every yr 12 student ever has probably complained about this.
I'm not the first and I won't be the last, but I am drowning in work.
Everytime I catch up, a new wave drags me under.

I feel like I've screwed things up. For a while now.
So many things I should have done, so many things that could be so much more.
It's not just the fact that I didn't do any work last year and am now an idiot.
It's just myself. I want to do so much more.
I currently am doing the 'asian 5' so maths and science and english.
Original aren't I? The thing is I really do enjoy humanities AS WELL as sciency stuff.
Argh. I guess that's the point of this blog. It is my shadow lives.

Explain you say! (or not seeing as no one reads this)
Well even in the relative anonymity on the internet I don't like telling people important things.
Any more than I dislike myself greatly at the moment for so many mistakes.
I know perfection is impossible and probably bad, yet I want more.
Huh, doesn't everyone?