Tonight's gonna be a good night.

SO GUESS WHAT? I had my yr 12 formal last night.
Was absolutely brilliant. :D
As you can tell I'm in a good mood now!

First I'd like to add a disclaimer: I do NOT like 'I gotta feeling' it's a terrible song. Wayyyy too repetitive, though I'm unfortunately a bogan in disguise so I admit the beat's catchy.

Anyway last night was amazing. Everyone looked beautiful! I danced in 12cm heels. Which hurts like hell.
But hey, I'm tall AND I can do the macarena. That makes me happy, screw the pain.
Though ONE of my friends did get her foot pretty banged up. There was blood.
But the songs were fun. Everyone (eventually) danced. :D

Post formal was good too. Didn't go to the official afterparty as our ID plans went awry.
Instead we went to my lovly friends house and watched trippy late 80's/early 90's children programs.
Mulligrubs. Seriously frightening stuff. Classic songs about scarecrows though.

Beautiful night with beautiful people. My only regret is that I didn't take photos with so many people.
<3 xin

Coming Up Only To Hold You Under

I am liking this song indeed. Found it on my tumblr rummaging.

I recently read The Little Prince, shockingly for the first time. At least as far as anyone can remember; either way it felt like the first time. IT IS BEAUTIFUL. Really, it's so simple and truthful. It's really a brilliant.

Puppy Love

LOOK AT MY PUPPY

I got a dog!!! He's a medium haired border collie and he's so soft! Named him Zuzu and he's gorgeous. He loves us so much and is always licking us. Non-stop licking really. Hurrah, puppy love.
 
On another note I love Sally. I really should have posted this ages ago but better late than never.

This made my night. You're absolutely amazing Sally! I'm obviously not the only one that thinks so; there's an appreciation society out there. But yes. I love talking to you. You're understanding and you can interpret my nonsense into something that meaningful. *showers in love*
 
I hope that I may soon visit you and we may dress up in your clothes and watch wonderful movies that I've never seen before.
 
xin

I Can't Remember Anything Without You

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. A wonderful movie about love, memory and what it means to forget. I don't think I ever want to forget anything. Experience makes us who we are; memories are the reminders of those experiences good or bad. They are our past. Sometimes it seems easier to forget. There would be no need to grieve or regret. But if it is worth grieving over it is worth remembering because it's important it's a part of you and you've gotta learn to accept it. 

Yeah life lessons from me. Good idea.

Oh well this blog isn't for you people. It's for me really. It's how I sort the stuff that's running through my head. I never liked diaries. Talking to people is weird. Ewwww human contact. Sure I love people and I do like conversing with them but when it comes to my thoughts it's better to sort them out myself. The blog just gives me a reason to stop and think.

Anyway at this point in time I'd like to give love to some friends. As Georgia pointed out I haven't given all my friends love. Really I've just given love to Lucy, Tom and Cameron. Poor effort there.

So love to:

Georgia, who is a barrier-free buddy. There's lots of love for you! More than you realise I think. 

Sally, who is admirable inspiration. You're insightful and artisitic! You make me feel like I understand things.

Maja, who is crazily cool. I swear I got my insanity from you! I hope you're enjoying Groovin the Moo, I envy you.

Ben, who is a dashing heartbreaker. You're so beautiful! Your enthusiasm makes me happy.

Michael, who is an engaging guy. Fun and dizzymaking! Discussing stuff with you; politics to nice uniforms is brill.

Enough love for now.

xin

wings and realness

Cast Vicariously as Both Victim and Villain

V for Vendetta anyone? Went to Tom's house today and watched it with him,Cam and Lucy. Was nice though I probably gave Cam some disease and if he dies I'm sorry and please don't blame me. I'm a sick zombie girl. Really, in a way. I'm playing Humans Vs. Zombies and I've been caught and zombified. Makes more sense if you're in Melbourne.

Anyway I love Cassie from Skins. She reminds me of when I was a young 17 year old.
Uh, one year from now. I do like pretending to be old and wise.
Anyway, Cassie makes sense, because I really do love everyone even if i don't like them. Probably not good that the manic, pixie, depressed one makes sense. Apparently Cassie is an example of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, a sterotypical character in film and tv. They're meant to be shallow personality wise because apparently they have no goal in life except to make some guy happy; but I love her. She's tragic, alone and beautiful. Possibly the panadol talking in all of this I'll admit.

I am feeling and sounding like a zombie. Attractive is definitely the word I'd use to describe it.

All this is not helping out with year 12.

I'm half sick, half dreaming.

I'm failing to care enough.

xin
I'm also thinking maybe I need to make a new anonymous blog. It's weird having people know you.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

link

I was at my bus stop today and everything was so pretty. It was a sunset, there was a rainbow and there were small children playing in the park. Everything was all so pretty. Like seriously. A RAINBOW. Plus, the kids in the park were skipping in height order and just awwww cute.

I am very very very happy. I HAS A BOY. He's tasty and wonderful. Plus he's comfy to sit on :)♥♥♥
Oh wow! Overload of wonderfulness. If anyone is getting sick with all the YAYYY CUPCAKE, too bad for you and stop reading my blog.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
So I hears I'm all squealy and eeeeee like and I has bad writing skills.

It's been such a good day. Really, since this morning I've been all bouncy and full of energy. On the train I couldn't sit down. I probably looked insane but that's nothing new. Anyway the whole going outness happened pretty smoothly (good work cupcake ) and fairly unawkwardly. Despite SOME PEOPLE constantly giggling at us. Thank you my lovely friends. Oh so much.

The Rhombus has evolved! :O Now we're all paired up and it's all worked out!
Penguin/lulubear is my bfflwp. (best friends for life with privleges). Tank engine is my boy bestie. Bear is my sexy beast ;)

So much love right now,
Xin

ICH BIN NICHT EIN ROBOTER

I AM HAPPY. LIKE SUPER MEGA APE HORNY HAPPY. Yeah, theres a german word for awesome i think and it's literally super ape horny or something like that (superaffengeil) . Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

I am manic grinning like crazy and I feel like a stupid squealy schoolgirl (:O alliteration!)

Basically last night was brilliant. I had a lovely dinner (Grill'd) where me and my friend mused over many a thing. Then I saw Die Roten Punkte with some awesome people <3.
It's actually the first time I've been in the city at night and only with friends :O
I love the city at night! It's so pretty and cold and exciting. Also I'm happiest at night and stuff.
DIE ROTEN PUNKTE ARE BRILL.  They had an inflatable dinosaur. :D
They sang Ich Bin Nicht Ein Roboter (I am a Lion).

Therefore my life goal is now to become a roadie ninjaaaa.

Oh and a little shout out to my smooottthhh friend. Good work there, I'm proud of you. Technique could still be improved though :D but we're getting there. Which is actually the main reason I've been grinning like a madwoman and I think I'm being silly but I can't help it and ahhhhh.

Oh dear. Calm down. Really.

Have a pic:

Astrid and Otto! <3 They are gonna be our inspiration for battle of the bands. Otto is brill. HE HAS AN ELECTRIC UKULELE. or maybe it's a tiny guitar. oh well. LOVES ANYWAY.

<3 xin

These Days

These days turned out nothing like I had planned.

With all the crazy diamond/rhombus stuff happening I haven't had time for a celebratory post.

Here's to holidays. To temporary school free bliss of a sort. The thing with holidays though is I get lazy and it always feels a little bit like the calm before the storm. 

I currently feel like a happy cat. I wish my friends were in my house. I'd lie down with them. Watch the ceiling. Talk about everything. Not talk at all. This is what I imagine love to be like. Pointless. Happiness. Safety. And when we sleep the dreams are smooth slippery streams of subconciousness. I wouldn't need to do great things. Be some special. It wouldn't matter at all.

That's my dream. Because it's not us against the world. It's us and that's it.  

pic1 pic2 pic3

Diamonds are forever

A lot of crazy stuff has happened recently. My emotions are really mixed (big surprise) and I’m not sure what to do. Yes I am sorry guys, another personal blahblah angst blahblah whoremones post. When I started this blog I really wanted it to about stuff that I like but didn’t chose to do for VCE reasons. Pathetic really but eh.
Anyway, back to diamonds. What has happened is that my friends and I have created a love diamond between us. I like this guy who likes this girl who likes this other guy who likes me. :O

We’re all good friends which is fantastic because in any other group of people this would get really ugly. It’s not ugly now. It’s more a colossal arghgasm. Yes I coined that. To continue on basically everyone knows who likes who. Ok time for a diagram.

I’m the pigeon. Don’t ask. Lines represent love vectors (ohhh math in real life). The lulu bear and I are married. So we’re besties. Now what’s happening is tank engine is confused and I am confused so love lines are just going everywhere. It’s now up to tank engine to choose lulu bear or myself.


The thing is I’d like to be loved but like I actually spent a whole term trying to get lulu bear and tank engine together. Oh the irony. Plus I feel like a bitch. Apparently no one really minds which way it goes. I don’t really either I guess. One way I get a boy friend. The other I get to see my bestie become very happy and I probably have a happier conscience.

I’m not sure if this actually makes sense to anyone. I’m hoping I don’t sound mad.

I’m optimistic at the moment because...I just went for a nice long swim and walk. It cleared my head.

It’s been two days since everyone became honest with each other about the diamond. In that time there was a lot of arghgasms, msn and lack of sleep. Last night I told the guy I originally liked that I was ok that he didn’t like me. It’s no one’s fault really.

What I’ve realised is that I have the best friends in the world. They’re not perfect. Things can get complicated. But c’est la vie.

We move on.

Coin Operated Boy

Ok, I'm feeling confused. I can't tell what I'm feeling. Whether it's worth it. Whether it's possible. Whether I really want what I'm chasing. Whether I'm feeling silly because of whoremones. Whether I should really care. Commitment phobia, me? Never.

Fun doesn't equal love. Not ever.
Above all, I think it's easier to get a coin operated boy.

Shoutout to little alex.

Yeah i know you're not little. You're actually a tank. And you'll probably never read this but your awesomeness must be proclaimed.
You are wonderful and i wish you didn't drop out of school. We could have had more funtimes. Oh well the small doses of you will have to suffice. Hope to see you and your puppy soon!

So Much More

I want nothing of intimacy, but with everyone, I feel these connections, I want to love them, I want everything they have. But how can that work? How can you love someone so much but always from a far? Everything about me is a contradiction, really. - milktrees (tumblr)

I want SO MUCH MORE.
I want greatness.
I want heroes.
I want justice.
I want true love.
I want so much more. I want it all. I want to live a life to be proud of.

How can I want so much? You can only live one life at a time.
I wish we could live our other possibilities.

We could be SO MUCH MORE.

I love everyone. I see no evil. I only see wrong turns.
I only worry that one day there will be no love left.