I Don't Want What You Want

Hi guys. Been awhile hey?

Today was nice. Started off with a glowing sunrise and rainbows. Picturesque really and my mood was amped up by it. Post school my friend Shelley came over and we had some fun :). But I've been feeling uneasy. A mixture of boredom, confusion and wanting. I don't really know. I need something new. Not really an adventure. Something comfortable. Told you I meant confused.

Whatever. The Strokes are playing in Melbourne tonight! Wish I could have gone! Brill band. Energetic!

Perhaps that's it. I need more energy. Maybe I should have bought some Mother.

xin

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad.

 

 

As my friend recently said, we are all just people. I'm in one of those moods where I feel flat. Maybe it's all those 3D movies coming out that make me feel 2D. But really we aren't so special. I suppose that's what love is for. Making people feel special.

Anyway I wanted to say: I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP. I've seen what it does to people and I much rather stay where I am. But sooner or later it happens. Here you are remembering your good old year 7 days when BAM you're worrying about how to get into a club with fake ID. I've got hopefully half a century of being over 18 and only two more years of being under. I feel no rush. That's not so bad. I remember back in primary school. We were only 11 and we were discussing who wasn't a virgin. FOR GOD'S SAKE.

I wish little kids weren't so eager to be adults.

I suppose it's a very, very mad world.

xin

ps. In other news Argentina vs Germany has just kicked off. Argentina ftw. It's gonna be a good game.

Unsure

This is a dodgy mobile phone posting. My rents decided to let me have net on my phone. Weird but that's not why i'm posting.
recently i've been feeling out of it. Yesterday i reconnected with a lost friend and was really happy. Today i'm just unsure. I want to feel something.
ha. Again with the wanting. I should just do something. See i'm confused. Hopefully it's just pms. Though really that's not a reason for anything.

So Much More

I want nothing of intimacy, but with everyone, I feel these connections, I want to love them, I want everything they have. But how can that work? How can you love someone so much but always from a far? Everything about me is a contradiction, really. - milktrees (tumblr)

I want SO MUCH MORE.
I want greatness.
I want heroes.
I want justice.
I want true love.
I want so much more. I want it all. I want to live a life to be proud of.

How can I want so much? You can only live one life at a time.
I wish we could live our other possibilities.

We could be SO MUCH MORE.

I love everyone. I see no evil. I only see wrong turns.
I only worry that one day there will be no love left.

Drowning

Yes I know every yr 12 student ever has probably complained about this.
I'm not the first and I won't be the last, but I am drowning in work.
Everytime I catch up, a new wave drags me under.

I feel like I've screwed things up. For a while now.
So many things I should have done, so many things that could be so much more.
It's not just the fact that I didn't do any work last year and am now an idiot.
It's just myself. I want to do so much more.
I currently am doing the 'asian 5' so maths and science and english.
Original aren't I? The thing is I really do enjoy humanities AS WELL as sciency stuff.
Argh. I guess that's the point of this blog. It is my shadow lives.

Explain you say! (or not seeing as no one reads this)
Well even in the relative anonymity on the internet I don't like telling people important things.
Any more than I dislike myself greatly at the moment for so many mistakes.
I know perfection is impossible and probably bad, yet I want more.
Huh, doesn't everyone?